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Book review: Twin Set

I read this book with a twinge of nostalgia – and nausea.

My twins have now outgrown all-night breast-bottle feedings, infant bouts of inexplicable crying and multiple poops a day. The toddler years are not exactly peaceful, but that sickening sleep deprivation and round-the-clock care of the first year is over. Reading Twin Set brought back both the difficulties of those first few months as well as the sheer amazement of giving birth to, and caring for two tiny twins.

Twin Set is a practical guide to pregnancy, birth and the first years of parenting twins. The book doesn’t aim to be a comprehensive guide to parenting in general. If you want details on prenatal care, breastfeeding or toilet training, you’ll have to supplement with other books. But Twin Set does a good job of highlighting differences between parenting twins and parenting singletons. And as mothers of twins know, almost everything is different: pregnancy, birth, post-natal care (both for you and the babies), feeding, bathing, getting out of the house, discipline, starting school – and everything in between.

The best part of this book is that the advice is not simply the authors’ opinion but was gathered through a survey. According to the introduction, the authors surveyed 300 mothers of twins “from around the country” (presumably the US). The scientist in me wanted to know much more about this survey: how it was conducted; what questions were asked; how the mothers were chosen etc. Still, there is wisdom among 300 mothers, and that shows in the book.

Twin Set would be most useful for parents about to give birth to twins. No one is reading just after the birth, and within a year or so you will have figured it all out anyway. But for the parents-to-be there are many useful insights: just how difficult bathing two slippery, crying infants can be; the importance of recording all feeding and pooping in the first few months because you’ll forget who did what and when; that grocery shopping will never be as quick and easy, partly because most shopping carts have only one kid’s seat.

I do have a couple of gripes with the book.

The information is very (although implicitly) US-centered. Some things, like a “Snap ‘N Go” or leaving your kids in the car while you run back to the house, may not make sense outside America.

I also got tired of the book’s cutesy language and general dumbing-down. Consultant pediatricians, for instance, are called “Mommy Doc” and “Daddy Doc”. Really, we can handle a real name and title! And I’ve yet to meet a mother who would spend precious alone-time getting a manicure or doing word-puzzles.

My biggest gripe was with the book’s slant on the environment. Buying bottled water by the case-load (or at all) is simply irresponsible. Trying filtering. And, sorry, teaching your kids to play with empty toilet rolls does not negate thousands of disposable diapers in the land fill. Yes, there is debate on cloth versus disposable diapers (see The Great Disposable Diaper Debate) but telling parents to just “stop worrying” rather than make a conscious and informed decision seems, again, irresponsible (as is failing to disclose Twin Sets partnership with Pampers!).

Gripes aside, this is a useful and realistic book for parents embarking on the head-spinning adventure of raising multiples.

(Thanks to Random House for the review copy.)

Elsewhere….

I haven’t posted here in a while but have been busy elsewhere.

Please check out my recent posts on the MotherVerse magazine blog.

I’ll soon have a post at Travel Savvy Mom describing the game lodge where we took our first family vacation (and it actually felt like a vacation).

And watch for the November issue of Mom Writer’s Literary Magazine. I’ll have an essay published there as well.

More to come on twinutero by next week…. really.

Rebuilding toys

Like most kids, ours want. They want juice, or cookies, or picked up. Occasionally, they want something new – desperately. Thomas is particularly prone to deciding that he must have this or that toy or he’ll be the most deprived child in history. To me, his wants seem random and irrational (he has enough toys to outfit a small daycare). Not so to him, of course.

I’ve tried several ways of discouraging this behavior. Explaining that he does indeed have enough toys to outfit a small daycare doesn’t make a dent. I’ve also tried keeping a list: when he wants something new, we write it down so when it’s time to shop, he can choose from all he desires. I’ve had some success with this, although we’ve never actually used the list to buy anything. He has always forgotten about it – which is the point.

The most effective and creative strategy, however is to make whatever it is he “needs”. He decided a few months ago that Lego Percy was necessary. (Percy is a train from the Thomas the Tank Engine collection; Lego makes a replica.) So we hauled out the Lego from the closet, built a green train and painted a number six, Percy’s number, on the side. He was happy.

More recently, Thomas decided that he wanted Sally, the female star of the movie Cars. He said “I want Sally,” just once. Then he said, “I want to make Sally.” I asked him what we needed to make Sally and he organized: an old Lightening McQueen car with only three wheels; a small Lego wheel to replace the missing one; some blue paint for the body; and some white paint for the face. (Cars cars have faces, like Thomas trains.) Not only was he perfectly happy with this rebuilt car, he initiated the rebuilding.

It’s not a complete victory against consumerism. He is, after all, still asking for highly-marketed, massed produced toys. But it’s a good start for a three-year-old.

What makes a picture book great?

We have lots of picture books at our house – lots. Some are read once in a while; others are read constantly. So what makes a picture book great?

It has to appeal to kids (in our case toddlers and preschoolers) as well as to us, the parents who read the same book over and over. My informal survey and three-plus years of experience suggest three key ingredients make a picture book delicious:

1. Idealized illustration. Complete realism – illustration that looks like a photo – doesn’t seem to interest young children, but neither do pictures so wacky they’re incomprehensible or scary. Illustration with both sense and wonder works best. Jim Arnosky (Turtle in the Sea; Raccoon on His Own), John Schoenherr (Owl Moon) and Ian Falconer (Olivia) are favorites in our house. (And the original Olivia does it in just grays and red.)

2. Groovin’ rhythm. Kids seem to naturally grasp rhythm so a good one make a story memorable and fun. The best-loved example in our library is Rattletrap Car: “Flippita fluppita/ fizzelly sizzelly/ wappity bappity….” Pumpkin Soup and The Bear Snores On are close seconds.

3. Quirky imagination. Not logic, not even plot. The most elusive element to capture: what goes on the head of a three-year-old. Oliver Jeffers (How to Catch a Star; The Way Back Home; Lost and Found) does it brilliantly.

The classics - Goodnight Moon, Where the Wild Things Are, Dr. Seuss - have all of the above.

For more on children’s books see:

Horn Book Magazine, newsletter and blog…

Harold Underdown’s site

Or send me your favorites in a comment.

Re-thinking blogging and exploitation

Since I first wrote on this topic, my thoughts - and public discussion - have evolved. I still feel strongly about children’s privacy and their right to be aware, at least, of what is written about them. Mine aren’t old enough to read or understand the concept of publishing, but I will continue to write as if they were. I will not post photos, use their real names, or write anything I’m not prepared discuss with them now or later.

I have, however, been swayed by some of the growing argument. Dooce wrote a persuasive, somewhat defensive, response to accusations that she is exploitative. She argues that her blog is a “love letter” to her daughter. I don’t buy that. Love letters can be kept in a drawer. I don’t think they’re more loving for being read worldwide.

She also argues that sharing stories of motherhood openly and honestly is essential for building community, camaraderie and confidence among mothers, and that blogged children just might, eventually, be proud of their mothers for creating a movement. That, I’ll buy. Mommy-blogging isn’t all self-indulgence and pride. We learn from each other and the web is a powerful and expedient way share.

Still, I think it can – and should – be done with sensitivity and without photos. Imagine all of these children growing up to write new blogs about their aging parents, complete with candid photos of us in our jammies, playing solitaire at the retirement home. I mean, there is a community of adults who look after their parents, and they have much to learn from each other too. We would expect sensitivity and discretion when writing about the elderly, and we should expect the same when writing about kids.

Rachel Paskan wrote a beautiful essay on Babble about exploiting her daughter for art. Paskan acknowledges that her daughter influences the characters she creates, even indirectly, and seems sobered by her daughter’s recent awareness.

I’m sure my thoughts - and the larger discussion - will continue to evolve. No doubt there are Phd dissertations being tapped out right now. In the meantime, I’ll keep blogging here and now on the MotherVerse blog as well.

(Thanks to Andrea at Remains of the Day for the link to Dooce - I don’t generally read it!)