Archive for the 'Sleep' Category

Book review: Twin Set

Published
by
twinutero
on July 31, 2008
in Blogging & writing, Books, Diapers & potties, Fair & green, Feeding, Getting Around, Getting Help and Sleep
. 4 Comments

I read this book with a twinge of nostalgia – and nausea.

My twins have now outgrown all-night breast-bottle feedings, infant bouts of inexplicable crying and multiple poops a day. The toddler years are not exactly peaceful, but that sickening sleep deprivation and round-the-clock care of the first year is over. Reading Twin Set brought back both the difficulties of those first few months as well as the sheer amazement of giving birth to, and caring for two tiny twins.

Twin Set is a practical guide to pregnancy, birth and the first years of parenting twins. The book doesn’t aim to be a comprehensive guide to parenting in general. If you want details on prenatal care, breastfeeding or toilet training, you’ll have to supplement with other books. But Twin Set does a good job of highlighting differences between parenting twins and parenting singletons. And as mothers of twins know, almost everything is different: pregnancy, birth, post-natal care (both for you and the babies), feeding, bathing, getting out of the house, discipline, starting school – and everything in between.

The best part of this book is that the advice is not simply the authors’ opinion but was gathered through a survey. According to the introduction, the authors surveyed 300 mothers of twins “from around the country” (presumably the US). The scientist in me wanted to know much more about this survey: how it was conducted; what questions were asked; how the mothers were chosen etc. Still, there is wisdom among 300 mothers, and that shows in the book.

Twin Set would be most useful for parents about to give birth to twins. No one is reading just after the birth, and within a year or so you will have figured it all out anyway. But for the parents-to-be there are many useful insights: just how difficult bathing two slippery, crying infants can be; the importance of recording all feeding and pooping in the first few months because you’ll forget who did what and when; that grocery shopping will never be as quick and easy, partly because most shopping carts have only one kid’s seat.

I do have a couple of gripes with the book.

The information is very (although implicitly) US-centered. Some things, like a “Snap ‘N Go” or leaving your kids in the car while you run back to the house, may not make sense outside America.

I also got tired of the book’s cutesy language and general dumbing-down. Consultant pediatricians, for instance, are called “Mommy Doc” and “Daddy Doc”. Really, we can handle a real name and title! And I’ve yet to meet a mother who would spend precious alone-time getting a manicure or doing word-puzzles.

My biggest gripe was with the book’s slant on the environment. Buying bottled water by the case-load (or at all) is simply irresponsible. Trying filtering. And, sorry, teaching your kids to play with empty toilet rolls does not negate thousands of disposable diapers in the land fill. Yes, there is debate on cloth versus disposable diapers (see The Great Disposable Diaper Debate) but telling parents to just “stop worrying” rather than make a conscious and informed decision seems, again, irresponsible (as is failing to disclose Twin Sets partnership with Pampers!).

Gripes aside, this is a useful and realistic book for parents embarking on the head-spinning adventure of raising multiples.

(Thanks to Random House for the review copy.)

The day we gave the bottles away

Published
by
twinutero
on April 6, 2008
in Fair & green, Feeding, Guilt and Sleep
. 0 Comments

It was overdue, long overdue.

Last weekend we finally rid the house of all baby bottles. Alex and Jon are over two, after all, and Thomas is three and a half. It was embarrassing to have them ask for a bottle in public or have visitors pass a load of empty bottles in the kitchen sink.

Mostly, we were tired of the dependency. Whenever the kids were sleepy, or upset or awake in the night, they would ask for a bottle of milk. They didn’t always get one, but they were rewarded often enough to keep asking.

Why did we wait so long? Because there never seemed a good time to take away something so obviously comforting. Had Thomas been an only child, or more than fifteen months older than his brothers, we would have weaned him long ago. But I don’t think he sees himself as older at all (well, except when it’s convenient) so it was hard to say yes to the twins and no to Thomas. We decided to wait until they were all ready to leave the bottles behind.

That, of course, could have been long ago. All three kids started drinking from sippy cups before they were one and from real cups before they were two. They didn’t need a bottle to have a drink. They sometimes needed a bottle to settle down, however. It was a habit, and with all the changes of the past six months (i.e., moving to a different hemisphere) we were reluctant to break the habit and further rock their world.

Last weekend, however, after a string of wakeful nights, we said enough. In the morning, we told the kids that today was a special day. We were going to pack up all the bottles and give them to some babies who need them more than we do. Everyone helped, Jon most enthusiastically. The bottles went into a bag; the bag went to “the babies”. In fact, the bottles went to the basement until we were sure we could handle life without the bottle crutch. Yesterday, they did go to less-fortunate children in a nearby township.

The transition was surprisingly easy. We always have an answer to “I want a bottle.” Jon usually pipes up with, “Some babies.” They have seen the bottles go into the bag and they know that babies, not boys, have milk in a bottle.

We’ve replaced nightly bottles with Klean Kanteen sippy cups. Klean Kanteen products are stainless steel, free of bisphenol-A, odorless and dripless. We bought them in Ottawa before we left (at Arbour). They are pricey however and the kids objected to the chill of holding a steel cup. So we found bottle insulators and now have the most expensive sippy cups on the planet.

But… we have no bottles.

Sleeping through the night. Part 4

Published
by
twinutero
on September 27, 2007
in Sleep
. 1 Comment

There wasn’t supposed to be a Part 4.

Alex, bless his soul, has defied every parenting book written by still waking up several times a night.

We reduced his milk supply gradually (see Part 3) until he got only two ounces when he woke. Then we cut him off completely. That was an unpopular and painful move, but it seemed to work – briefly. There were a few nights where he slept straight through until 5 am, his usual waking time.

Unfortunately, our triumph was brief. He started waking again when we went on holiday (ha – holiday) out east. I gave him water when he woke because I couldn’t handle the shrieking. He accepted water, and went back to sleep.

When we returned home, we again cut him off from his night time drinking. It has been at least six weeks now that he not been “rewarded” for waking: no bottles; no cuddles. My husband only opens his door slightly and says “It’s night time. Time to sleep.” This, unbelievably, settles him. We have gone from several bottles a night to a brief comment from the doorway.

But he still wakes up! Night after night. I can only conclude that it is his temperament. Alex is easily unsettled. He doesn’t like new places or loud noises, and is quickly perturbed by Jon (who of course revels in provoking his twin brother). Alex is also high, high energy. He’s built like a miniature marathon runner and carries on like one too. I think “sleep training” has a role and is often necessary but I also think some kids just won’t bend to (or maybe just insist on breaking) the sleep training rules.

Sleeping through the night. Part 3: Alex

Published
by
twinutero
on May 8, 2007
in Sleep
. 2 Comments

Alex. Charming, smart, beautiful, willful, volatile. Able to wake the whole house in a single shriek.

It has been about a month since we decided to ferberize Alex. The short and unexpected story is that he still wakes several times night while Jon, with no intervention on our part, sleeps soundly from evening until morning.

Here’s the longer story.

I decided to re-read parts of Ferber’s book before withholding Alex’s nighttime milk supply, and letting him, and us, cope with the consequences. Ferberizing has such a bad reputation, but some of his advice is quite reasonable, even moderate. For children like Alex, who drink several bottles or nurse several times a night, Ferber suggests that cold-turkey is too radical. Rather, the amount of milk in the bottle, or the time spent nursing should be reduced gradually over the course of a week or two. He maintains that too much milk interferes with sound sleep, and therefore if babies drink less throughout the night, they will start to sleep better and longer.

Alex is quite particular. We usually give him a warm, five-ounce bottle at night. If his bottle is cold, or half-full, or, god forbid, contains water, it gets thrown with complete contempt to the other end of the crib. He’s not spoiled, at least not during the day. He listens to “no”, he waits, he is learning to share. Anything to do with sleep, however, seems to bring out his worst, or perhaps his most insecure. Nonetheless, we decided to try Ferber’s approach.

We cut his milk to four ounces the first night. The bottle was drunk, not thrown. So far, so good. After another two nights, we gave him only three ounces. Miraculously, he didn’t balk. In fact, after several nights at three ounces, he slept for six straight hours and consumed only three ounces during the entire night. That’s twelve ounces less than his usual nighttime fare. We were making progress.

Life intervened. After giving Alex slightly less than three ounces one evening, I went to bed, expecting all to be quiet. Instead, he started to cry. Not his I-want-more-milk cry, but a deeper and more urgent cry. He had thrown up all three ounces and more. He was clearly ill for only 24 hours, but he was more subtly distressed – clingy and irritable – for about ten days. I couldn’t add to his misery by further reducing his nightly comfort food. I did try watering down his milk, another of Ferber’s suggestions. Alex took one sip of his homemade skim milk and the bottle went flying…. So here we are. He still wakes up twice a night on average – sometimes only once, sometimes three times. He still gets, and gulps, three ounces each time.

Now that Alex is well and my husband is home (he was away on business during the events of the last paragraph) we will continue to wean Alex from his nocturnal milk dependency. I doubt that it will be easy. Although he is drinking less at night, he still relies on a bottle to go back to sleep. Three ounces to zero will be a big step.

Luckily, thankfully, Jon has decided not only to sleep in his crib, but to sleep through the entire night. We didn’t force it, or even plan it. The only explanations I have are: (1) Jon has a calmer, more even temper than Alex; (2) Jon finishes all of Alex’s food and bottles during the day; and (3) he’s seventeen months old. Really, it has to happen sometime.

Sleeping through the night. Part 2: Jon and Alex

Published
by
twinutero
on April 12, 2007
in Sleep
. 7 Comments

Plan A. Formulated at birth. Alex and Jon sleep in the same bassinet where they seem to comfort and lull one another. As newborns, they sleep most of the time. We’ve divided the night into shifts. My husband is on duty until midnight; I settle any awakenings from midnight to morning. When one baby wakes, we wake and feed the other as well, to keep them on the same schedule. We are convinced that by three months old they will be sleeping through the night.

Plan B. Formulated at about seven weeks old. This is peak crying age for most newborns – hopefully for ours as well because the days are hard. The twins do little but eat, sleep and cry. They have outgrown the bassinet and we have moved them into the same crib. Dividing the night into shifts is no longer working. I am sometimes up from 2am until morning. Feeding both babies takes thirty minutes to an hour and they don’t always go straight back to sleep. Soothing both with one pair of hands is not fun and not effective. We decide to separate Jon and Alex at night. I will look after one; my husband the other.

Plan C. Formulated at about three months old. It is much less stressful to care for only one baby during the night. Neither Jon nor Alex are sleeping through, but both have had some good nights, with five- even six-hour stretches of sleep. We still feed them when they wake and we are still hoping that they will soon sleep the entire night. Summer is coming; sunshine and fresh air should help. If not, we can always ferberize once they reach six months.

Plan D. Formulated at six months. The twins still sleep in separate rooms, which of course means that my husband and I do as well. Jon usually wakes once a night, drinks a bottle and goes back to sleep. Alex is up many times and is often inconsolable. Both babies are now teething. We consider ferberizing Alex but are somewhat daunted by the volume of his nighttime shrieks. We’re also very, very tired and know that ferberizing means we will get less sleep before we get more.

Plan E. Formulated around ten months. It’s cold and flu season. The babies are restless – snotty and still teething. We are desperate for a full night’s sleep, so we move the twins back into the same room. One night I sleep; the next I care for both babies. Jon is refusing his crib. He sleeps well if he is in our bed with his head implanted into my side. He’s the cutest, cuddliest absolute bed-hog. Alex is still up several times a night but quickly goes back to sleep with a bottle. We know we are choosing our fate: Alex is addicted to his nighttime bottles; Jon won’t sleep alone. But our only goal now is to get as much sleep as possible so we choose the path of least resistance.

Plan F. Formulated at thirteen months. Feeling rather incompetent as parents, we once again separate the twins at night. Alex is just too loud when he wakes (which he still does, often). Thomas has started waking at night as well. Jon sleeps well if Alex doesn’t wake him, and he’s comfortably nestled in our bed.

Plan G. Formulated this week but not yet implemented. Enough. We can’t continue on sleep that is so scarce and so fragmented. We plan to ferberize Alex over the next week and discourage Thomas from his nighttime waking as well. Not sure what we will do with Jon, but one step at a time….

Why so many foiled plans?

Because like most parents, we’re learning as we go, trying to do what’s best for our babies and for ourselves. And because “best” changes with circumstance, time, and attitude. The twins sleep well together; the twins constantly wake each other. They are toothless; they have bulging, painful gums. They are well; they can’t breathe for phlegm. Grandparents are here and dad is away; grandparents are gone and dad is back. Perhaps most significantly, I believe peaceful sleep is a delicate and precious state that can’t be forced; I believe we simply can’t wait any longer for peaceful sleep to happen… peacefully.

So for now, on with Plan G.