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Twin Sense: A Sanity-Saving Guide to Raising Twins from Pregnancy Through the First Year. By Dagmara Scalise. 2009. Amacom. New York.

I highly recommend this book for expectant or new parents of twins. Twin Sense is 200 pages of thoughtful advice from a mother of twins and an older sibling. I can relate.

The book is divided into 4 sections.

1. Preparing for Twins. Includes financial considerations, buying what you really need, answering probing/insulting questions from strangers, and preparing siblings and fathers.

2. Managing the Basics. Feeding, bathing, diapering, sleeping.

3. Leaving the House. Yes! One quarter of the book dedicated to getting out of the house! Flying included.

4. Life After Babyhood. A bit about discipline, child-proofing and a summary of “best tips” for life with twins.

This book is straight-to-the-point. There are lots of  amusing anecdotes, but don’t expect a scintillating read or cute full-color photos of twins. And what frazzled parent of two or more infants wants that? The sections are short, easy to find, indexed and summarized so you can scan for the information you need in just a few seconds.

I also appreciate that the author is specific. She recommends brands that parents of twins have tried and liked – but I didn’t feel the book was trying to sell me anything. As with Twin Set, Twin Sense is US focused and quite mainstream (no discussion of cloth diapers, for instance).

Still, I would have learned a lot from Twin Sense had I read it 3 years ago. In fact, I learned a lot reading now. Who would have thought of bathing twinfants in a laundry basket?

Thanks to Nettie Hartsock and Amacom for the review copy.

I read this book with a twinge of nostalgia – and nausea.

My twins have now outgrown all-night breast-bottle feedings, infant bouts of inexplicable crying and multiple poops a day. The toddler years are not exactly peaceful, but that sickening sleep deprivation and round-the-clock care of the first year is over. Reading Twin Set brought back both the difficulties of those first few months as well as the sheer amazement of giving birth to, and caring for two tiny twins.

Twin Set is a practical guide to pregnancy, birth and the first years of parenting twins. The book doesn’t aim to be a comprehensive guide to parenting in general. If you want details on prenatal care, breastfeeding or toilet training, you’ll have to supplement with other books. But Twin Set does a good job of highlighting differences between parenting twins and parenting singletons. And as mothers of twins know, almost everything is different: pregnancy, birth, post-natal care (both for you and the babies), feeding, bathing, getting out of the house, discipline, starting school – and everything in between.

The best part of this book is that the advice is not simply the authors’ opinion but was gathered through a survey. According to the introduction, the authors surveyed 300 mothers of twins “from around the country” (presumably the US). The scientist in me wanted to know much more about this survey: how it was conducted; what questions were asked; how the mothers were chosen etc. Still, there is wisdom among 300 mothers, and that shows in the book.

Twin Set would be most useful for parents about to give birth to twins. No one is reading just after the birth, and within a year or so you will have figured it all out anyway. But for the parents-to-be there are many useful insights: just how difficult bathing two slippery, crying infants can be; the importance of recording all feeding and pooping in the first few months because you’ll forget who did what and when; that grocery shopping will never be as quick and easy, partly because most shopping carts have only one kid’s seat.

I do have a couple of gripes with the book.

The information is very (although implicitly) US-centered. Some things, like a “Snap ‘N Go” or leaving your kids in the car while you run back to the house, may not make sense outside America.

I also got tired of the book’s cutesy language and general dumbing-down. Consultant pediatricians, for instance, are called “Mommy Doc” and “Daddy Doc”. Really, we can handle a real name and title! And I’ve yet to meet a mother who would spend precious alone-time getting a manicure or doing word-puzzles.

My biggest gripe was with the book’s slant on the environment. Buying bottled water by the case-load (or at all) is simply irresponsible. Trying filtering. And, sorry, teaching your kids to play with empty toilet rolls does not negate thousands of disposable diapers in the land fill. Yes, there is debate on cloth versus disposable diapers (see The Great Disposable Diaper Debate) but telling parents to just “stop worrying” rather than make a conscious and informed decision seems, again, irresponsible (as is failing to disclose Twin Sets partnership with Pampers!).

Gripes aside, this is a useful and realistic book for parents embarking on the head-spinning adventure of raising multiples.

(Thanks to Random House for the review copy.)

We recently traveled (moved actually) from Canada to South Africa with three children under four years old. Here are ten tidbits of wisdom I learned along the way:

1. Start paper work early. Everyone needs a passport now, from newborns up. That means getting passport quality photos and that means, realistically, several trips to the photographer. Small children don’t like to perch on a high stool and have a flash go off in their face. Getting photos that the passport office will accept is therefore a chore. We also needed visas – a different form, a different office and more photos. Get at least four copies of ID photos and leave plenty of time for the bureaucracy to do its work.

2. Get proof of custody. In Canada there are “long form” and “short form” birth certificates. Only the long forms include names of parents. We needed the long form to get visas – an extra step that took time and money. (Ontario guarantees delivery of a birth certificate within five business days if you pay $65 and choose their “premium online delivery” option. Otherwise, the process can take months.) On the topic of custody, you might also check the Government of Canada’s publication International Child Abductions. Just in case….

3. Get vaccinated – expect trauma. My GP was unable to tell us what vaccinations we needed to travel to Cape Town so we consulted a travel doctor. He advised Hepatitis A/B and rabies shots. Hep A/B is a series of three needles, as is rabies. That’s six needles per child, times three children – eighteen needles. It has not been fun. It has not been cheap either. Medical treatment for traveling purposes is not covered by our provincial medical plan. Rabies shots are particularly expensive, about $180 per needle. Also, Hepatitis vaccinations are given over a six month period, so plan ahead.

4. Get an international driver’s license. Foreign licenses may be valid for a time, but they eventually expire and getting your license renewed from abroad can be a real pain. I’ve also been advised by the Canadian consulate in South Africa that insurance companies aren’t partial to foreign licenses and might try to avoid payment if you’re in an accident without a local or international license.

5. Travel by night. We took two overnight flights: Halifax to London; then London to Cape Town. It was the most direct route we could find, but was still over thirty hours of travel. We left at midnight, with the kids in their PJs, hoping they’d act like any other night and sleep. That flight was brutal, I have to say. We got a day room at an airport hotel in London. While it was expensive, it allowed everyone to shower and sleep. It was worth it. The next flight, twelve hours long, was a breeze in comparison. The kids slept most of the way and arrived in South Africa ready to go. Based on other, shorter trips we have done, traveling by night was the right choice.

6. Sedate the children. Okay, I didn’t tell the whole story in #5. We gave Gravol to Alex and Thomas on the second flight. Just one shot – the recommended dose. I don’t know if it was necessary since Jon slept for nine straight hours without any meds and I’m reluctant to give sedation my wholesale recommendation. But this time, for us, it worked.

7. Travel light. Check your luggage all the way through to your destination, otherwise you’ll be traipsing through airports with cranky kids and toppling stacks of suitcases. Our carry-on bags were also as compact and simple as possible. The kids carried their own backpacks with their blankets, snacks and water. My carry-on was full of wipes, diapers, extra plastic bags, lollipops for take-off and landing, and a few surprise toys to distract when things got raucous. Best travel toys are silent and have few moving parts. We brought books, stickers, magnets (in a tin) and drawing boards. And we watched the in-flight movies – several times.

8. Get a good moving company. I’ve moved many times – and I’ve never found a moving company I like. This move was no exception. Their cost estimate was off by 50% and the shipping took a month longer than predicted. It seems impossible to avoid these little surprises, so I would now expect them. Expect to pay more and wait longer. That means finding an interim place to stay that will accommodate kids, and that kids will accommodate.

9. Share your plans. We started talking about our move as soon as it was confirmed. Thomas knew that we were going “to Africa” and that we’d take a plane to get there. He knew he wouldn’t see his toys for a while, and wouldn’t see his friends for a longer while. Jon and Alex were included in these conversations but were too young to respond. I still don’t know how much they understood, but each transition (house to hotel; hotel to airport etc) went smoothly, as if they knew what we were doing. In any case, it just seems fair to let your kids know if you’re going to travel across the world.

10. Don’t do it for fun. I wouldn’t include international travel with small children as part of a fun family holiday. It’s costly, it’s stressful, and it increases your ecological footprint by several sizes.

On a bitter, rainy day last March, I began dreaming of spring and became desperate to get out of the house. I had all three kids: Alex and Jon, then 16 months, and Thomas, two-and-a-half. Where could we go to burn off toddler energy and get a much-needed change of scenery? I decided to try one of the indoor “adventure playlands” on the outskirts of our city. I had never been, but had heard from other parents that it was safe, children loved it, and that I could probably just relax as the kids explored tunnels, climbed the jungle gyms, and slid into pits of balls.

Apparently, every parent in the city had the same idea that day. There must have been forty thousand kids in that playland, all running, yelling and jumping. I was overwhelmed. Thomas and the twins were overwhelmed. I scurried around like a complete obsessive, trying to track the three of them. Thomas still got lost – twice. I found him crying face-down on the carpet. Alex and Jon could negotiate the ramps, tunnels and slides, but really, really hated the ball pits where all ramps, tunnels and slides seemed to end. I couldn’t blame them. The pits were alive with kicking, flailing toddler limbs, and were very difficult to exit.

After an hour or so, I corralled the boys back into the stroller. They were exhausted and not unhappy to be leaving. I was a mess, and thrilled to be out of there.

This never-to-be-repeated experience coincided, ironically, with my discovery of Last Child in the Woods, a book by Richard Louv. The subtitle of the book is Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder. Louv describes how kids are becoming dissociated from everything wild and green. Play is moving indoors or into bordered areas and structured activities where it can be constantly monitored for safety. Some schools are even shortening recess in favour of more “productive” time inside. Louv objects to this trend and so do I. The book is at once compelling, alarming and obvious. It is part of a growing literature and movement toward environmental education, schoolyard greening, and more unstructured play for kids.

I do, however, have three words to add to this conversation:
Winter.
Toddlers.
Multiples.

I would love for my kids to enthusiastically explore the outdoors. While I wouldn’t set any toddler free in a forest or vacant urban lot, I agree with Louv that even very young children benefit from being outside, free to roam, touch, fall down and get up again. The problem with having three kids under three years old, is that they tend to roam in three different directions. It’s almost impossible for one adult to take three toddlers to an unenclosed area, safely.

Thomas is almost 32 months old now. He knows to stop at street corners, to stay on the sidewalk, and to turn around when I say so. But I wouldn’t bet his life on him following directions while I run after his younger brothers. I know a nanny who cares for toddler twins and refuses to leave the house at all. It seems extreme, but toddlers get restless in a stroller and are very hard to herd when they’re on the loose.

Even with two adults, it can be challenging to keep track of three young children. We recently took our kids to a nearby farm. They loved it, but the day was not without minor trauma. Jon fell head-first off the bunny observation stool; Thomas lathered himself in fresh cow dung; Alex massaged his gums on the animal enclosures. All of this happened while we were trying to prevent a similar or worse event.

I am hoping that outdoor adventure, summer and winter, will get easier as the kids get older. Last year, the twins were immobilized by their snow gear, and even Thomas was frustrated by cumbersome mittens. (It’s surprisingly hard to get toddlers’ thumbs into the right section of the mitt, and trying to play without an opposable thumb inevitably leads to tears.) I have not-too-distant plans to teach them to skate, ski and build snow caves. I hope to take Thomas camping this summer, and get all three kids into the backcountry before long.

For now, I am limited by the number of available hands, and our urban location. Limited, but not incapacitated. We’re lucky enough to have a fenced-in backyard where the kids can play almost independently. I am teaching them about the garden. Thomas has helped to plant seeds and transplant seedlings, and he knows where to find berries and bugs.* We have a bird feeder. Alex often asks to see the “boods”, and Thomas can recognise chickadees and cardinals. And, often to my own, short-term, detriment, I don’t discourage them from splashing in puddles, playing in the dirt or feeding the garden ants. It’s not wilderness, but for now, it’s wild enough for me.

*An inspiring book for gardening with kids is Roots, Shoots, Buckets and Boots by Sharon Lovejoy.

This balmy winter is an exception. Most years, January means snow, ice and temperatures that weld your eyelashes together. Since I absolutely must get outside in winter (not to the mall), I need an all-season stroller: wheels big enough to plow through snow; good suspension; and coverings that are wind-resistant yet breathable.

I also need a stroller that can be easily folded into the back of the car, fits through an average doorway, and safely and comfortably carries two babies, preferably side-by-side.

Most of the strollers that fit all of the above criteria are “jogging strollers”. After researching on-line, (www.joggingstroller.com and stroller-advisor.com are somewhat useful) we chose a double Chariot. It has the added advantages (for us) of being made in Canada, available locally, and convertible to a bike or ski trailer.

We bought the Chariot when twins were three months old. Strollers for that age are usually rear-facing. Chariots are front-facing, which is one disadvantage of jogging strollers in general. We also had to buy the Chariot’s “baby slings” to provide additional support for the twins until they were about six months old. (There’s a crucial difference between the “baby sling” and the “baby supporter”, we learned after several trips back to the shop. Two supporters will not fit in the double stroller; two slings will.)

The twins loved the Chariot from their first wintry excursion. We liked it too – enough to buy the single version for our toddler. Family outings are now a walking product endorsement. There are, however, a few aggravating features of the Chariot. Nothing is perfect. For anyone shopping for a double stroller, here are a few other things to consider:

-The Velcro that holds the Chariot’s plastic windbreak in place is loud enough to wake any sleeping baby. Not a problem in a single stroller: your child wakes up, you take him out. But twins seem to never wake up at the same time, and Velcro closures makes it impossible to take one child out of the stroller and leave the other sleeping.

-While it’s cozy in winter, the Chariot can be a bit of a greenhouse on a mid-summer day. Even with all the vents open, there’s not much air-flow. We were concerned enough to buy a thermometer to monitor the inside temperature, and it does get several degrees hotter than the outside air. With the plastic covering down (on a warm rainy day) it can get much hotter inside.

-With a few jostles, bumps and expletives, the double Chariot will just fit through most doorways. This is more of a gripe with building design than stroller design. I hadn’t noticed, prior to wielding a gigantic stroller, how narrow doorways, aisles and checkouts are; how many shops and public places are accessible only by stairs or do not allow strollers; how few doorways have automatic openers; and how snow plows leave a small (but sometimes insurmountable) bank at every intersection.

I attempted to bring our twins to a playgroup at the neighborhood library. The room was on the ground floor and there was a ramp bypassing the few stairs to the door. All good. The staff, however, informed me that strollers were not allowed inside the building. Again, not a problem with one child: park the stroller and bring her in. But it’s a big problem with two infants unless you can safely carry them both at once – and someone gets the door. These inconveniences have changed how I plan outings and ultimately where I go with the twins. It has also opened my eyes to the much greater frustration that must be felt by people with permanent accessibility challenges.

-Finally, a double stroller doesn’t really get us around “with three under two”. We didn’t consider triple strollers. They’re just too big. So when we take all three kids out, we bring two strollers and two adults – or Thomas has to walk, which is not such a bad thing for a toddler with energy to burn.