I said I’d do something about global warming guilt. Here’s my article for Travel Savvy Mom on travelling green.
Archive for the 'Getting around' Category
I have realized that I don’t often write about our daily life in South Africa. Sometimes it seems too utterly normal to be newsworthy. Other times, it’s too bizarre to record with any sense at all.
Last Wednesday (almost a week ago already!) was a good example of this mundane/unsettling mix. The kind of day after which I ask: Um, was that normal?
My husband was up in Jo’burg on business, so I had all three kids (aged 3, 3, 4) on my own for a couple of days. Throughout those days I think: this is a phenomenal amount of work and responsibility for one mom! Phenomenal! And then I think: there are 10 year old kids in this country who look after 3 and 4 year old siblings, and there are countless single moms and grandmothers who care for broods much, much larger than mine. So get on with it!
Okay. 6 am. Turn off the house alarm, get breakfast, get the kids half-dressed, pile the kids into the car, pick up our housekeeper from the bus stop/taxi rank, return home, put the rest of the clothes on the kids, finish breakfast, put the kids back into the car and head out to preschool.
The twins are upset, partly because Daddy is away and partly because Thomas’ class is going on a field trip – and their class is not. We’re running late (as usual) so I hastily explain why Thomas isn’t going to his classroom and that I will be back to get them at noon. Still, they grip my legs at the threshold to their class. Twins: one leg each.
Back in the car with Thomas and directions to Monkey Town, our destination about 45 minutes away. I haven’t driven the route before so I’m advised (despite having written directions) to follow another mother ferrying another load of kids. Sounds good, but just two minutes out of the parking lot, she’s off like a bat out of hell in the opposite direction, not the way my paper suggests. Which way: speeding mom or written directions? I opt for the speeding mom, now just a blur down the road.
I know it’s easy to poke fun at the way people drive countries other than your own, and not always fair, but to generalize for a moment: South Africans drive fast. And hugging the yellow line so cars can pass despite oncoming traffic is routine and expected. So here I am on the back roads, heavy mist still covering the ground, heading off I don’t know where, at speeds meant for freeways.
But it’s just a school outing. I have a map. I have a cellphone. Thomas is excited. No problem.
There’s a lot of road work around Cape Town these days (in part to get ready for the World Cup in 2010). In any case, routes and travel times are unpredictable and accidents are frequent. After 30 steering-wheel-gripping minutes in the car, we are slowed and then stopped by flashing lights, sirens and running people. As we get closer, I see a white pick-up crushed and another huge truck carrying hundreds of Coke bottles smashed into a wall. Bottles are scattered all over the road and local residents are scurrying closer, either to observe or to gather any bottles still intact. I inch by, crushing glass under our tires, hoping we don’t get a flat, hoping no one was killed.
We’re now behind a rickety pick-up carrying wooden crates at impossible angles. The crates are held onto the truck by people, also at impossible angles and the truck is wavering back and forth over the yellow line. The road is narrowed by more construction and I swerve out to pass. I find myself just meters from the grill of an oncoming 18-wheeler. Expletives. I swerve back into my lane. Thomas asks about the expletives. I am now officially frazzled.
But we find Monkey Town and drive slowly to our parking spot. I unbuckle Thomas from his seat and we proceed on our school outing, viewing monkeys, eating snacks, running around. Like any school outing.
When it’s time to return to the school, I’m the first out of the parking lot. I know the way now, and I have to be back in time for the twins. We don’t have much back-up here; closest family is half way around the world, our few friends have kids of their own to look after and my husband is several hours away by plane. So I backtrack along the roads at a conscientious but decent clip. I hand out spare change at several intersections and decline to purchase cellphone chargers at those same intersections. Thomas sleeps. I relax. We’re back at the school in good time – but all the other moms are there before me. How? I don’t have time to ask. The twins are waiting and I have another 8 hours before any of them will sleep.
Photos are of the sky around our house. Amazing skies here!
Twin Sense: A Sanity-Saving Guide to Raising Twins from Pregnancy Through the First Year. By Dagmara Scalise. 2009. Amacom. New York.
I highly recommend this book for expectant or new parents of twins. Twin Sense is 200 pages of thoughtful advice from a mother of twins and an older sibling. I can relate.
The book is divided into 4 sections.
1. Preparing for Twins. Includes financial considerations, buying what you really need, answering probing/insulting questions from strangers, and preparing siblings and fathers.
2. Managing the Basics. Feeding, bathing, diapering, sleeping.
3. Leaving the House. Yes! One quarter of the book dedicated to getting out of the house! Flying included.
4. Life After Babyhood. A bit about discipline, child-proofing and a summary of “best tips” for life with twins.
This book is straight-to-the-point. There are lots of amusing anecdotes, but don’t expect a scintillating read or cute full-color photos of twins. And what frazzled parent of two or more infants wants that? The sections are short, easy to find, indexed and summarized so you can scan for the information you need in just a few seconds.
I also appreciate that the author is specific. She recommends brands that parents of twins have tried and liked - but I didn’t feel the book was trying to sell me anything. As with Twin Set, Twin Sense is US focused and quite mainstream (no discussion of cloth diapers, for instance).
Still, I would have learned a lot from Twin Sense had I read it 3 years ago. In fact, I learned a lot reading now. Who would have thought of bathing twinfants in a laundry basket?
Thanks to Nettie Hartsock and Amacom for the review copy.
I read this book with a twinge of nostalgia – and nausea.
My twins have now outgrown all-night breast-bottle feedings, infant bouts of inexplicable crying and multiple poops a day. The toddler years are not exactly peaceful, but that sickening sleep deprivation and round-the-clock care of the first year is over. Reading Twin Set brought back both the difficulties of those first few months as well as the sheer amazement of giving birth to, and caring for two tiny twins.
Twin Set is a practical guide to pregnancy, birth and the first years of parenting twins. The book doesn’t aim to be a comprehensive guide to parenting in general. If you want details on prenatal care, breastfeeding or toilet training, you’ll have to supplement with other books. But Twin Set does a good job of highlighting differences between parenting twins and parenting singletons. And as mothers of twins know, almost everything is different: pregnancy, birth, post-natal care (both for you and the babies), feeding, bathing, getting out of the house, discipline, starting school – and everything in between.
The best part of this book is that the advice is not simply the authors’ opinion but was gathered through a survey. According to the introduction, the authors surveyed 300 mothers of twins “from around the country” (presumably the US). The scientist in me wanted to know much more about this survey: how it was conducted; what questions were asked; how the mothers were chosen etc. Still, there is wisdom among 300 mothers, and that shows in the book.
Twin Set would be most useful for parents about to give birth to twins. No one is reading just after the birth, and within a year or so you will have figured it all out anyway. But for the parents-to-be there are many useful insights: just how difficult bathing two slippery, crying infants can be; the importance of recording all feeding and pooping in the first few months because you’ll forget who did what and when; that grocery shopping will never be as quick and easy, partly because most shopping carts have only one kid’s seat.
I do have a couple of gripes with the book.
The information is very (although implicitly) US-centered. Some things, like a “Snap ‘N Go” or leaving your kids in the car while you run back to the house, may not make sense outside America.
I also got tired of the book’s cutesy language and general dumbing-down. Consultant pediatricians, for instance, are called “Mommy Doc” and “Daddy Doc”. Really, we can handle a real name and title! And I’ve yet to meet a mother who would spend precious alone-time getting a manicure or doing word-puzzles.
My biggest gripe was with the book’s slant on the environment. Buying bottled water by the case-load (or at all) is simply irresponsible. Trying filtering. And, sorry, teaching your kids to play with empty toilet rolls does not negate thousands of disposable diapers in the land fill. Yes, there is debate on cloth versus disposable diapers (see The Great Disposable Diaper Debate) but telling parents to just “stop worrying” rather than make a conscious and informed decision seems, again, irresponsible (as is failing to disclose Twin Sets partnership with Pampers!).
Gripes aside, this is a useful and realistic book for parents embarking on the head-spinning adventure of raising multiples.
(Thanks to Random House for the review copy.)
We recently traveled (moved actually) from Canada to South Africa with three children under four years old. Here are ten tidbits of wisdom I learned along the way:
1. Start paper work early. Everyone needs a passport now, from newborns up. That means getting passport quality photos and that means, realistically, several trips to the photographer. Small children don’t like to perch on a high stool and have a flash go off in their face. Getting photos that the passport office will accept is therefore a chore. We also needed visas – a different form, a different office and more photos. Get at least four copies of ID photos and leave plenty of time for the bureaucracy to do its work.
2. Get proof of custody. In Canada there are “long form” and “short form” birth certificates. Only the long forms include names of parents. We needed the long form to get visas – an extra step that took time and money. (Ontario guarantees delivery of a birth certificate within five business days if you pay $65 and choose their “premium online delivery” option. Otherwise, the process can take months.) On the topic of custody, you might also check the Government of Canada’s publication International Child Abductions. Just in case….
3. Get vaccinated – expect trauma. My GP was unable to tell us what vaccinations we needed to travel to Cape Town so we consulted a travel doctor. He advised Hepatitis A/B and rabies shots. Hep A/B is a series of three needles, as is rabies. That’s six needles per child, times three children – eighteen needles. It has not been fun. It has not been cheap either. Medical treatment for traveling purposes is not covered by our provincial medical plan. Rabies shots are particularly expensive, about $180 per needle. Also, Hepatitis vaccinations are given over a six month period, so plan ahead.
4. Get an international driver’s license. Foreign licenses may be valid for a time, but they eventually expire and getting your license renewed from abroad can be a real pain. I’ve also been advised by the Canadian consulate in South Africa that insurance companies aren’t partial to foreign licenses and might try to avoid payment if you’re in an accident without a local or international license.
5. Travel by night. We took two overnight flights: Halifax to London; then London to Cape Town. It was the most direct route we could find, but was still over thirty hours of travel. We left at midnight, with the kids in their PJs, hoping they’d act like any other night and sleep. That flight was brutal, I have to say. We got a day room at an airport hotel in London. While it was expensive, it allowed everyone to shower and sleep. It was worth it. The next flight, twelve hours long, was a breeze in comparison. The kids slept most of the way and arrived in South Africa ready to go. Based on other, shorter trips we have done, traveling by night was the right choice.
6. Sedate the children. Okay, I didn’t tell the whole story in #5. We gave Gravol to Alex and Thomas on the second flight. Just one shot – the recommended dose. I don’t know if it was necessary since Jon slept for nine straight hours without any meds and I’m reluctant to give sedation my wholesale recommendation. But this time, for us, it worked.
7. Travel light. Check your luggage all the way through to your destination, otherwise you’ll be traipsing through airports with cranky kids and toppling stacks of suitcases. Our carry-on bags were also as compact and simple as possible. The kids carried their own backpacks with their blankets, snacks and water. My carry-on was full of wipes, diapers, extra plastic bags, lollipops for take-off and landing, and a few surprise toys to distract when things got raucous. Best travel toys are silent and have few moving parts. We brought books, stickers, magnets (in a tin) and drawing boards. And we watched the in-flight movies – several times.
8. Get a good moving company. I’ve moved many times – and I’ve never found a moving company I like. This move was no exception. Their cost estimate was off by 50% and the shipping took a month longer than predicted. It seems impossible to avoid these little surprises, so I would now expect them. Expect to pay more and wait longer. That means finding an interim place to stay that will accommodate kids, and that kids will accommodate.
9. Share your plans. We started talking about our move as soon as it was confirmed. Thomas knew that we were going “to Africa” and that we’d take a plane to get there. He knew he wouldn’t see his toys for a while, and wouldn’t see his friends for a longer while. Jon and Alex were included in these conversations but were too young to respond. I still don’t know how much they understood, but each transition (house to hotel; hotel to airport etc) went smoothly, as if they knew what we were doing. In any case, it just seems fair to let your kids know if you’re going to travel across the world.
10. Don’t do it for fun. I wouldn’t include international travel with small children as part of a fun family holiday. It’s costly, it’s stressful, and it increases your ecological footprint by several sizes.
