Archive for the 'Books' Category

Top 5 Parenting Books

Published
by
twinutero
on November 13, 2008
in Books
. 1 Comment

There are hundreds of parenting books out there, including dozens on twins and multiples (see, for example, my review of Twin Set, and soon-to-be-published review of Twin Sense).

You could spend all your savings and half your life reading them. Most of my parenting friends shelved the books once the kids reached toddlerhood and turned instead to intuition and common sense.

I don’t rely much on books either, but they do have a place.

Here are five I’d recommend:

1. Momma Zen. By far the most useful, restorative book on mothering I have read. The author is a Zen priest - and she finds mothering a challenge at times. A welcome shift in perspective on those not-so-great parenting days.

2. The Explosive Child. We bought this during a particularly rough patch when Thomas was, well, explosive. He doesn’t fit the category as defined in this book. No child fits any category. But the book is still useful for its advice on talking to your children: not coercing or nagging but flexibility and cooperation. An ideal worth striving for, even if we often fall short.

3. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. Along the same lines as The Explosive Child: teaching children to recognize, explore and cope with emotions. Such as when Alex, who is two, jams his trike into the stairs, can’t work out how to reverse and screams: “I’m frustrating!”

4. Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems. The classic, written by Richard Ferber. As in Ferberize. As in let-your-baby-scream-herself-to-sleep. The book as a bad reputation; even the title has an authoritarian tone. But of the books I’ve read on sleep (and we’ve had lots of “sleep problems“) this was the most useful for understanding kids and sleep, and, contrary to its reputation, devising our own method for encouraging more snoozing and less screaming.

5. The Art of Possibility. I have to thank my husband for reading this as a parenting book. It’s not written as one, but the advice, especially “Giving an A” can instantly transform destructive patterns into creative ones.

And here’s a book I haven’t read but would like to:

1. The Stay-At-Home-Survival-Guide. Read an interview with the author in Mom Writer’s Literary Magazine.

Motherhood: Liberal or Conservative?

Published
by
twinutero
on October 14, 2008
in Books and Fair & green
. 0 Comments

I recently watched a Ted talk by psychologist Jonathan Haidt. Provocatively, he claims to have uncovered deep-seated moral differences between liberals and conservatives.

Liberals are generally more open – to diversity, novelty and experience. They are willing, Haidt says, to accept a certain amount of chaos in exchange for making the world a better place for everyone. A liberal morality emphasizes fairness and care.

Conservatives, on the other hand, are generally less open. They like familiarity, institutions and tradition. They value order, even at the expense those people “at the bottom” as Haidt puts it. While conservatives, like liberals, are concerned with fairness and care, they also include loyalty, respect for authority, and purity (of spirit, body etc.) as part of their moral code.

This was a twenty minute talk on a very complex topic so many questions went unanswered. Nevertheless, Haidt claims to back up his findings with surveys of over 30,000 people across the world. At the very least, it’s an interesting way to think about political differences.

Coincidently, I’m now reading The Maternal is Political. It’s a collection of personal essays by women who became politically active, or deepened their political commitments, after having children. The book is very US-centered and “political” for the most part means Democrat. (I haven’t finished the book, however; perhaps some new mothers became Republican.)

Reading this book, I’m persuaded that motherhood is essentially liberal: it foments a compulsion to make the world better for everyone, and therefore better for your kids. It creates an openness, in Haidt’s terms, to change, diversity, necessary chaos, and a certain amount of risk-taking in the name of a better future.

But I can imagine how motherhood might push toward the other end of the political spectrum if it meant that your kids are better off - toward loyalty (to family), toward order and familiarity, toward deference to authority figures (such as doctors).

So here’s my question as elections loom in both the US and Canada (and South Africa):

Has motherhood made you more liberal or more conservative – or more of something else?

Book review: Twin Set

Published
by
twinutero
on July 31, 2008
in Blogging & writing, Books, Diapers & potties, Fair & green, Feeding, Getting Around, Getting Help and Sleep
. 4 Comments

I read this book with a twinge of nostalgia – and nausea.

My twins have now outgrown all-night breast-bottle feedings, infant bouts of inexplicable crying and multiple poops a day. The toddler years are not exactly peaceful, but that sickening sleep deprivation and round-the-clock care of the first year is over. Reading Twin Set brought back both the difficulties of those first few months as well as the sheer amazement of giving birth to, and caring for two tiny twins.

Twin Set is a practical guide to pregnancy, birth and the first years of parenting twins. The book doesn’t aim to be a comprehensive guide to parenting in general. If you want details on prenatal care, breastfeeding or toilet training, you’ll have to supplement with other books. But Twin Set does a good job of highlighting differences between parenting twins and parenting singletons. And as mothers of twins know, almost everything is different: pregnancy, birth, post-natal care (both for you and the babies), feeding, bathing, getting out of the house, discipline, starting school – and everything in between.

The best part of this book is that the advice is not simply the authors’ opinion but was gathered through a survey. According to the introduction, the authors surveyed 300 mothers of twins “from around the country” (presumably the US). The scientist in me wanted to know much more about this survey: how it was conducted; what questions were asked; how the mothers were chosen etc. Still, there is wisdom among 300 mothers, and that shows in the book.

Twin Set would be most useful for parents about to give birth to twins. No one is reading just after the birth, and within a year or so you will have figured it all out anyway. But for the parents-to-be there are many useful insights: just how difficult bathing two slippery, crying infants can be; the importance of recording all feeding and pooping in the first few months because you’ll forget who did what and when; that grocery shopping will never be as quick and easy, partly because most shopping carts have only one kid’s seat.

I do have a couple of gripes with the book.

The information is very (although implicitly) US-centered. Some things, like a “Snap ‘N Go” or leaving your kids in the car while you run back to the house, may not make sense outside America.

I also got tired of the book’s cutesy language and general dumbing-down. Consultant pediatricians, for instance, are called “Mommy Doc” and “Daddy Doc”. Really, we can handle a real name and title! And I’ve yet to meet a mother who would spend precious alone-time getting a manicure or doing word-puzzles.

My biggest gripe was with the book’s slant on the environment. Buying bottled water by the case-load (or at all) is simply irresponsible. Trying filtering. And, sorry, teaching your kids to play with empty toilet rolls does not negate thousands of disposable diapers in the land fill. Yes, there is debate on cloth versus disposable diapers (see The Great Disposable Diaper Debate) but telling parents to just “stop worrying” rather than make a conscious and informed decision seems, again, irresponsible (as is failing to disclose Twin Sets partnership with Pampers!).

Gripes aside, this is a useful and realistic book for parents embarking on the head-spinning adventure of raising multiples.

(Thanks to Random House for the review copy.)

What makes a picture book great?

Published
by
twinutero
on June 17, 2008
in Books and Learning & play
. 3 Comments

We have lots of picture books at our house – lots. Some are read once in a while; others are read constantly. So what makes a picture book great?

It has to appeal to kids (in our case toddlers and preschoolers) as well as to us, the parents who read the same book over and over. My informal survey and three-plus years of experience suggest three key ingredients make a picture book delicious:

1. Idealized illustration. Complete realism – illustration that looks like a photo – doesn’t seem to interest young children, but neither do pictures so wacky they’re incomprehensible or scary. Illustration with both sense and wonder works best. Jim Arnosky (Turtle in the Sea; Raccoon on His Own), John Schoenherr (Owl Moon) and Ian Falconer (Olivia) are favorites in our house. (And the original Olivia does it in just grays and red.)

2. Groovin’ rhythm. Kids seem to naturally grasp rhythm so a good one make a story memorable and fun. The best-loved example in our library is Rattletrap Car: “Flippita fluppita/ fizzelly sizzelly/ wappity bappity….” Pumpkin Soup and The Bear Snores On are close seconds.

3. Quirky imagination. Not logic, not even plot. The most elusive element to capture: what goes on the head of a three-year-old. Oliver Jeffers (How to Catch a Star; The Way Back Home; Lost and Found) does it brilliantly.

The classics - Goodnight Moon, Where the Wild Things Are, Dr. Seuss - have all of the above.

For more on children’s books see:

Horn Book Magazine, newsletter and blog…

Harold Underdown’s site…

Or send me your favorites in a comment.

Missing the beat

Published
by
twinutero
on March 20, 2008
in Books and Learning & play
. 1 Comment

I’m currently stoking my inadequate-mother complex by flipping through Home Learning Year by Year by Rebecca Rupp. It’s a fairly comprehensive guide to home schooling, starting in preschool. I have no intention of home schooling (although I like the idea) but I do intend to keep up with what my kids will eventually be learning - or should be learning - in school, and supplement at home.

With this in mind, I initiated our music lesson/jam session this afternoon.

Thomas was in his Superman outfit, Alex in his Spiderman suit and Jon dressed as a cowboy. The costumes had nothing to do with the music, of course, but they wanted to wear them. We got out all the musical instruments and settled on the living room rug. I am not terribly musical. I am decidedly non-musical. I have little idea where to start a music session, other than my recently acquired repertoire of children’s songs and my faded memories of ta-ta-ti-ti-ta in grade school. But we begin. The Wheels on the Bus was nixed. Counting time was boring even for me. All the kids wanted Jambo Bwana, their absolute favorite song from the Putumayo African Playground disc. We listen to it every time we’re in the car and all three of them know the words – in Swahili.

Okay, we start Jambo Bwana. Alex gets so excited he throws his Little Tikes tambourine at my head. I’m sure I’ll have a black eye. Thomas starts playing the drum with the dollar-store recorder which promptly shatters into deadly shards across the carpet. Thomas then strips off his Superman outfit and runs for the toilet. As I am cleaning him up, Jon climbs on top of the drum, falls off, and starts screaming in frustration and agony.

Is this what Kindermusik is like?

We’ll try again another day. And I’ll continue to be inspired by Home Learning. Here are a few more of my favorite books for those days when I’m feeling ambitious and invincible:

Teaching Green. The Elementary Years. Tim Grant and Gail Littlejohn
Scribble Art. MaryAnn F. Kohl
Science Play. Jill Frankel Hauser.