Archive for the 'Blogging & writing' Category

Book review: Twin Set

I read this book with a twinge of nostalgia – and nausea.

My twins have now outgrown all-night breast-bottle feedings, infant bouts of inexplicable crying and multiple poops a day. The toddler years are not exactly peaceful, but that sickening sleep deprivation and round-the-clock care of the first year is over. Reading Twin Set brought back both the difficulties of those first few months as well as the sheer amazement of giving birth to, and caring for two tiny twins.

Twin Set is a practical guide to pregnancy, birth and the first years of parenting twins. The book doesn’t aim to be a comprehensive guide to parenting in general. If you want details on prenatal care, breastfeeding or toilet training, you’ll have to supplement with other books. But Twin Set does a good job of highlighting differences between parenting twins and parenting singletons. And as mothers of twins know, almost everything is different: pregnancy, birth, post-natal care (both for you and the babies), feeding, bathing, getting out of the house, discipline, starting school – and everything in between.

The best part of this book is that the advice is not simply the authors’ opinion but was gathered through a survey. According to the introduction, the authors surveyed 300 mothers of twins “from around the country” (presumably the US). The scientist in me wanted to know much more about this survey: how it was conducted; what questions were asked; how the mothers were chosen etc. Still, there is wisdom among 300 mothers, and that shows in the book.

Twin Set would be most useful for parents about to give birth to twins. No one is reading just after the birth, and within a year or so you will have figured it all out anyway. But for the parents-to-be there are many useful insights: just how difficult bathing two slippery, crying infants can be; the importance of recording all feeding and pooping in the first few months because you’ll forget who did what and when; that grocery shopping will never be as quick and easy, partly because most shopping carts have only one kid’s seat.

I do have a couple of gripes with the book.

The information is very (although implicitly) US-centered. Some things, like a “Snap ‘N Go” or leaving your kids in the car while you run back to the house, may not make sense outside America.

I also got tired of the book’s cutesy language and general dumbing-down. Consultant pediatricians, for instance, are called “Mommy Doc” and “Daddy Doc”. Really, we can handle a real name and title! And I’ve yet to meet a mother who would spend precious alone-time getting a manicure or doing word-puzzles.

My biggest gripe was with the book’s slant on the environment. Buying bottled water by the case-load (or at all) is simply irresponsible. Trying filtering. And, sorry, teaching your kids to play with empty toilet rolls does not negate thousands of disposable diapers in the land fill. Yes, there is debate on cloth versus disposable diapers (see The Great Disposable Diaper Debate) but telling parents to just “stop worrying” rather than make a conscious and informed decision seems, again, irresponsible (as is failing to disclose Twin Sets partnership with Pampers!).

Gripes aside, this is a useful and realistic book for parents embarking on the head-spinning adventure of raising multiples.

(Thanks to Random House for the review copy.)

Elsewhere….

I haven’t posted here in a while but have been busy elsewhere.

Please check out my recent posts on the MotherVerse magazine blog.

I’ll soon have a post at Travel Savvy Mom describing the game lodge where we took our first family vacation (and it actually felt like a vacation).

And watch for the November issue of Mom Writer’s Literary Magazine. I’ll have an essay published there as well.

More to come on twinutero by next week…. really.

Re-thinking blogging and exploitation

Since I first wrote on this topic, my thoughts - and public discussion - have evolved. I still feel strongly about children’s privacy and their right to be aware, at least, of what is written about them. Mine aren’t old enough to read or understand the concept of publishing, but I will continue to write as if they were. I will not post photos, use their real names, or write anything I’m not prepared discuss with them now or later.

I have, however, been swayed by some of the growing argument. Dooce wrote a persuasive, somewhat defensive, response to accusations that she is exploitative. She argues that her blog is a “love letter” to her daughter. I don’t buy that. Love letters can be kept in a drawer. I don’t think they’re more loving for being read worldwide.

She also argues that sharing stories of motherhood openly and honestly is essential for building community, camaraderie and confidence among mothers, and that blogged children just might, eventually, be proud of their mothers for creating a movement. That, I’ll buy. Mommy-blogging isn’t all self-indulgence and pride. We learn from each other and the web is a powerful and expedient way share.

Still, I think it can – and should – be done with sensitivity and without photos. Imagine all of these children growing up to write new blogs about their aging parents, complete with candid photos of us in our jammies, playing solitaire at the retirement home. I mean, there is a community of adults who look after their parents, and they have much to learn from each other too. We would expect sensitivity and discretion when writing about the elderly, and we should expect the same when writing about kids.

Rachel Paskan wrote a beautiful essay on Babble about exploiting her daughter for art. Paskan acknowledges that her daughter influences the characters she creates, even indirectly, and seems sobered by her daughter’s recent awareness.

I’m sure my thoughts - and the larger discussion - will continue to evolve. No doubt there are Phd dissertations being tapped out right now. In the meantime, I’ll keep blogging here and now on the MotherVerse blog as well.

(Thanks to Andrea at Remains of the Day for the link to Dooce - I don’t generally read it!)

Mother-writing forum

My posts may be (even more) erratic for the next few weeks as I am taking an online mother-writing workshop through Motherverse.

Telling stories

We’ve been reading to our kids since birth. They all love a good story.

Thomas, now three-and-a-half, often requests elaborate, original stories before bed. “I want you to tell me the story of Mr. Jeremy Fisher [Beatrix Potter] and Thomas [the tank engine] carrying cheese and chips and apples-without-seeds to the party.”

A ploy to delay sleep or a genuine interest in convoluted narrative? Both I think.

Recently, we began asking Thomas to tell the stories. This is a natural progression but was also inspired by Tikatok, a site where kids can self-publish books, and by Stone Soup, a magazine written entirely by children.

He resisted at first, even though he tells tales to and about his trains all day. After a few tries, though, he was into it. All of his stories center around trains, usually trains carrying sweets or trains having terrible crashes. Or both.

We’ve also tried our own low-tech, three-year-old friendly version of Tikatok. Thomas pastes magazine pictures somewhat randomly into folded paper. I then ask him to tell a story about the series of pictures, and I write down his words.

This has been great insight into my preschooler’s imagination. On one hand, anything can happen, and any series of pictures can be a story. There’s no right or wrong (at least logically). On the other hand, it seems there are a few strict rules of his own making.

He goes to preschool on the “Polar Express” for instance. The train picks him up and drops him off at the station. The conductor drives the train. So one day I asked Thomas if the conductor could make him a ham sandwich when we arrived at the station.

“Noooo! You’re not the conductor. You’re Mommy.”

“Okay. Can Mommy make you a ham sandwich?”

“Yes, after the conductor brings us to the station.”

Keeps me on my toes.