Plan A. Formulated at birth. Alex and Jon sleep in the same bassinet where they seem to comfort and lull one another. As newborns, they sleep most of the time. We’ve divided the night into shifts. My husband is on duty until midnight; I settle any awakenings from midnight to morning. When one baby wakes, we wake and feed the other as well, to keep them on the same schedule. We are convinced that by three months old they will be sleeping through the night.
Plan B. Formulated at about seven weeks old. This is peak crying age for most newborns – hopefully for ours as well because the days are hard. The twins do little but eat, sleep and cry. They have outgrown the bassinet and we have moved them into the same crib. Dividing the night into shifts is no longer working. I am sometimes up from 2am until morning. Feeding both babies takes thirty minutes to an hour and they don’t always go straight back to sleep. Soothing both with one pair of hands is not fun and not effective. We decide to separate Jon and Alex at night. I will look after one; my husband the other.
Plan C. Formulated at about three months old. It is much less stressful to care for only one baby during the night. Neither Jon nor Alex are sleeping through, but both have had some good nights, with five- even six-hour stretches of sleep. We still feed them when they wake and we are still hoping that they will soon sleep the entire night. Summer is coming; sunshine and fresh air should help. If not, we can always ferberize once they reach six months.
Plan D. Formulated at six months. The twins still sleep in separate rooms, which of course means that my husband and I do as well. Jon usually wakes once a night, drinks a bottle and goes back to sleep. Alex is up many times and is often inconsolable. Both babies are now teething. We consider ferberizing Alex but are somewhat daunted by the volume of his nighttime shrieks. We’re also very, very tired and know that ferberizing means we will get less sleep before we get more.
Plan E. Formulated around ten months. It’s cold and flu season. The babies are restless – snotty and still teething. We are desperate for a full night’s sleep, so we move the twins back into the same room. One night I sleep; the next I care for both babies. Jon is refusing his crib. He sleeps well if he is in our bed with his head implanted into my side. He’s the cutest, cuddliest absolute bed-hog. Alex is still up several times a night but quickly goes back to sleep with a bottle. We know we are choosing our fate: Alex is addicted to his nighttime bottles; Jon won’t sleep alone. But our only goal now is to get as much sleep as possible so we choose the path of least resistance.
Plan F. Formulated at thirteen months. Feeling rather incompetent as parents, we once again separate the twins at night. Alex is just too loud when he wakes (which he still does, often). Thomas has started waking at night as well. Jon sleeps well if Alex doesn’t wake him, and he’s comfortably nestled in our bed.
Plan G. Formulated this week but not yet implemented. Enough. We can’t continue on sleep that is so scarce and so fragmented. We plan to ferberize Alex over the next week and discourage Thomas from his nighttime waking as well. Not sure what we will do with Jon, but one step at a time….
Why so many foiled plans?
Because like most parents, we’re learning as we go, trying to do what’s best for our babies and for ourselves. And because “best” changes with circumstance, time, and attitude. The twins sleep well together; the twins constantly wake each other. They are toothless; they have bulging, painful gums. They are well; they can’t breathe for phlegm. Grandparents are here and dad is away; grandparents are gone and dad is back. Perhaps most significantly, I believe peaceful sleep is a delicate and precious state that can’t be forced; I believe we simply can’t wait any longer for peaceful sleep to happen… peacefully.
So for now, on with Plan G.
