twinutero

Advice to expectant parents of multiples usually includes the deceptively simple “Get extra help” or “Accept any offers of help”. Frankly, when it comes to caring for my kids, I won’t accept “any” offers of help. I am, like most parents, extremely picky. Consequently, getting help has been a long and stressful process.

My obstetrician ordered me off work during the 26th week of pregnancy. Although I wasn’t confined to bed, I was to avoid any type of exertion including shopping, cleaning, extensive walking and lifting – even lifting my one-year-old son. These restrictions were to reduce the risk of pre-term labour and, according to my obstetrician, aren’t unusual for twin pregnancies. It was a surprise for us, however. With my husband working full-time and travelling for business, we needed extra help well before the due date.

We were lucky in that my parents were able to help us during the remaining months of my pregnancy, and through the first month after the twins were born. We would have been in rough(er) shape without them. As extremely grateful as we were, it’s a lot to ask of anyone. The days were long, the nights even longer. I was almost incapacitated with complications from the c-section, and was not up to full speed for about 2 months. We needed a nanny.

We were again fortunate in finding a half-time nanny who specializes in emergency I-need-you-now situations. Eleven months later, she is still with us partly because she loves our kids and they love her, but also because we have been unable to find a full-time nanny willing to care for three children under two years old. We tried agencies hiring from overseas but found them cold (as if overseas nannies were commodities) and vague (it was difficult to determine if a nanny was a good fit with our family). We tried local nanny agencies but they simply had no one willing to take the job. We tried canadiannanny.ca, an online bulletin board, but were not impressed with the qualifications of the listings.

So we continue, happily, to depend on our half-time nanny, a fantastic home-care provider for our older son – both of whom we found through word-of-mouth – and extraordinary family and friends.

My advice? Don’t pretend you can do this alone. Plan far in advance, ideally from the moment you discover you’re a “multiple mom”. Look for someone who has cared for multiples or for several children close in age, has a lot of energy, even more patience, and truly loves babies. Tell everyone you know that you’re looking for a nanny, and ask for references. Accept offers of help from friends and family, but warn them that they may be assigned to less desirable jobs than cuddling babies. Ask them to wash the dishes, fill bottles, shovel the driveway, put in a load of laundry or make dinner, while you cuddle your babies.