Germinal writings on parenting multiples
Lost and Found (2005) by Oliver Jeffers. A boy finds a penguin and a friend. My 2 year old loves the hug at the end.
I Am Happy (2003) by Steve Light. My son learned the words “angry” and “brave” with this book.
Where is Baby’s Belly Button? (2000) by Karen Katz. I heard my 11 month-old chuckling in the living room as I was washing the dishes one morning. I looked in and found him lifting the flaps of this book, apparently delighted at finding the babies underneath.
Infant carriers for multiples…. I wouldn’t bother. Our first child spent many hours in the Baby Bjorn and the sling. For short trips in good weather and for get-togethers with our friends, I found the carriers easier than the stroller. I also liked the idea and the feeling of carrying him close. He seemed to love it. I wanted to do the same for our twins, but like so many things, what was easy for one, was nearly impossible for two.
I have heard of parents carrying twins in a sling, but more often I have heard parents say that they are sling-challenged, even with one child. Certainly, the sling takes practice and we didn’t even try it with the twins.
We researched other carriers for multiples and found the “MaxiMom” (www.4coolkids.com/carriers/maximom.html). The makers claim it’s the only carrier in the world designed to carry two or three babies at a time. We bought it. And used it twice. Perhaps with persistence the MaxiMom carrier would work, but we found it awkward, uncomfortable and annoying to the babies. For us, the best solution was to wear one baby in front in the Bjorn, and the other in back in the Snuggli. It’s not elegant but it works well between the ages of about two and four months. Any younger and they’re too small to be out of sight on your back; any older and they’re just too heavy.
Most books on pregnancy and parenting recommend that post-partum mothers get out of the house – often. It has even been shown that regular aerobic exercise like vigorous walking can relieve post-partum depression. But transporting three children under two years old can seem more than three times the effort of transporting one. We researched cars, car seats, strollers, infant carriers, and travelling by air. Nothing was straightforward when it came to multiples. Here is what we learned….
We knew that many things would change upon the arrival of our twins. One of the more prosaic changes was our car. Strapping one child into the back of a two-door Golf isn’t graceful, but it’s manageable. Fitting three kids - with their car seats - is impossible.
As we began the search for a new car, we quickly concluded that manufacturers are either oblivious or indifferent to the rising rate of multiple births. According the Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada, there has been an “explosion” in multiple births across the developed world over the past 30 years. There are two main reasons: more frequent use of assisted reproductive technologies, and the greater number of women giving birth in their mid-late thirties or early forties. Both of these factors increase the chance of conceiving multiples. Even if an “older” mother does not conceive multiples, she may choose to have children closer in age than a younger mom.
All of this means that a lot of people need cars that easily fit three or more car seats and have storage for double (or bigger) strollers.
Yet we found that, at least in Canada, there are very few cars that meet our needs. We test drove minivans, but didn’t like their bus-like feel, or the fact that one child is two rows away from adults. That left the Honda CRV or the Toyota Rav 4 (essentially the same vehicle, as far as we could see). We chose the Honda, and now have three children safely wedged into the back seat.
And I mean wedged. We kept our older son’s original car seat which is average size. That left a maximum of 17 inches for each of the twins’ car seats. Once again, options were limited. With the help of a great website (www.carseatdata.org), we bought the Cosco Touriva. It was the only car seat available in our city that would fit.
We not happy with the amount of effort it took, but we are happy with our final choices. All three kids are within arm’s reach, and there is plenty of room in the back of the car for our strollers, groceries, backpacks and so far anything we’ve tried to transport. Except grandparents. The only drawback to the CRV is that, unlike minivans, there are only spaces for two adults. Car and car seat manufacturers, time to get creative!
Update: August 2008
We sold our CRV before moving to South Africa. Once here, we bought a second-hand Honda FRV. It’s similar to the CRV but has seating for three adults in the front. I don’t think this model, or anything like it, is available in North America but it’s a perfect car for families with three kids in car seats.
Advice to expectant parents of multiples usually includes the deceptively simple “Get extra help” or “Accept any offers of help”. Frankly, when it comes to caring for my kids, I won’t accept “any” offers of help. I am, like most parents, extremely picky. Consequently, getting help has been a long and stressful process.
My obstetrician ordered me off work during the 26th week of pregnancy. Although I wasn’t confined to bed, I was to avoid any type of exertion including shopping, cleaning, extensive walking and lifting - even lifting my one-year-old son. These restrictions were to reduce the risk of pre-term labour and, according to my obstetrician, aren’t unusual for twin pregnancies. It was a surprise for us, however. With my husband working full-time and travelling for business, we needed extra help well before the due date.
We were lucky in that my parents were able to help us during the remaining months of my pregnancy, and through the first month after the twins were born. We would have been in rough(er) shape without them. As extremely grateful as we were, it’s a lot to ask of anyone. The days were long, the nights even longer. I was almost incapacitated with complications from the c-section, and was not up to full speed for about 2 months. We needed a nanny.
We were again fortunate in finding a half-time nanny who specializes in emergency I-need-you-now situations. Eleven months later, she is still with us partly because she loves our kids and they love her, but also because we have been unable to find a full-time nanny willing to care for three children under two years old. We tried agencies hiring from overseas but found them cold (as if overseas nannies were commodities) and vague (it was difficult to determine if a nanny was a good fit with our family). We tried local nanny agencies but they simply had no one willing to take the job. We tried canadiannanny.ca, an online bulletin board, but were not impressed with the qualifications of the listings.
So we continue, happily, to depend on our half-time nanny, a fantastic home-care provider for our older son - both of whom we found through word-of-mouth – and extraordinary family and friends.
My advice? Don’t pretend you can do this alone. Plan far in advance, ideally from the moment you discover you’re a “multiple mom”. Look for someone who has cared for multiples or for several children close in age, has a lot of energy, even more patience, and truly loves babies. Tell everyone you know that you’re looking for a nanny, and ask for references. Accept offers of help from friends and family, but warn them that they may be assigned to less desirable jobs than cuddling babies. Ask them to wash the dishes, fill bottles, shovel the driveway, put in a load of laundry or make dinner, while you cuddle your babies.
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